In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
