Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
