New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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