Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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