Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize