So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
