I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
