it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
