oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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