So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
