I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
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