Sober January is a disaster.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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