Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
