A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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