so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
