i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
