all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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