I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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