i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
