yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
my sisters under your porch take her home
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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