I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
