ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
