Can Purell be used as lube?
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
