Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
