Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
whose ass print is on the piano?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
