You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
