Non-Jews are for practice
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
