I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize