and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
