There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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