before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
you didnt know i had herpes?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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