Do you still have your period?
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Randomize
