I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
soo... how was my night?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
