if only i could text you this smell
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
