David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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