wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
