pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
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