I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
two words: eviction party
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
