We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
