i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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