i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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