So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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