i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
