the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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