he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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