I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
