I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
