The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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