i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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