People in love make me want to vomit
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
