We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Actions speak louder than pants.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
