I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
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