This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Randomize
