can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
