When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I skipped work to stalk him.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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