Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
