hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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