They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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