addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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