i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
