Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
