we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
