that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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