Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
